Honouring my soldier dad who died by suicide
13-year-old bereaved military child Austen Hargreaves was just seven when his dad, SSgt Christopher Hargreaves, died by suicide. Here, Austen shares what it's been like for him and his younger brother, Cooper, to grow up without their dad and how support from military charity Scotty’s Little Soldiers continues to help them both on their grieving journey.
Austen and Cooper attending the 2023 National Service of Remembrance
Remembering my military hero
I was only seven when my dad died, so I don’t have anywhere near as many memories of him as I'd like to. My younger brother, Cooper, was just three when he died, so has even less. Because of that we like to remember him through stories and discussing with our mum what he was like. I know he was amazing and always so warm and welcoming to everyone he met. He loved spending time with us whenever he was home and really hardworking whenever he wasn’t.
My favourite thing in the world is every time people say I remind them of my dad. I'm quite a creative person, and every time I do something or make something, people always say I get it from him. It’s makes me so happy to think he’s still a part of me and will always be with me, in that way.
Baby Cooper laughing with his dad
Honouring our military hero
We always do things to remember Dad on special occassions, but those things change from year to year. Cooper and my school usually hold a Remembrance ceremony which they put lots of effort into, which I really appreciate, and our town has a parade we like to get involved with. Outside of those special dates, I really like doing smaller things just as family – chatting about Dad, telling stories and remembering the time we spent together.
I remember my dad as my dad, not the man he was in the Army, but it is something I’m really interested in and I think it’s important I understand what that part of his life was like. Scotty's helps me feel a military connection I wouldn’t otherwise have and inspires me to learn more about that side of my dad’s life.
SSgt Christopher Hargreaves
How Scotty’s help military children smile again
I've been to so many Scotty’s events and I love them. They are just the most welcoming, warm places, and the best bit is I get to share it all with my friends. I recently took part in Scotty’s Adventure Day and I knew it was going to be very physical, which normally isn’t my thing, but I loved it from the moment we got there. We had loads of fun and I met lots of new people, like I always do, as well as seeing some friends. Seeing and catching up with everyone is one of my favourite bits about being part of Scotty’s.
My favourite events I’ve ever been to have got to be Scotty’s Christmas parties, but I don't think I could choose just one. They're always so big with so much to do, and it boggles my mind how much effort is put into making us feel good while still remembering why we’re all there.
Austen at Scotty's 2022 Christmas party
Being part of Scotty’s unique military community
One of my favourite things about Scotty’s is that you all understand what everyone is going through, so you can be there for them and they can be there for you. Everyone's in the same boat and we all know how difficult it is. It’s amazing to know you have all these people in your corner.
I also think it's really good that the children and young people supported by Scotty’s get a say in how the charity is run, and I feel super privileged to be part of Scotty’s Council and be involved in that way. I love being able to give my two cents on certain things.
Scotty’s means having people there for you even when you’re at your lowest. There's always a group chat somewhere and I know there’s always someone I can chat to. I’ve met so many amazing people and I know I’m going to meet even more.
Austen with the Scotty's Council at Sky HQ
How does Remembrance make me feel?
Remembrance is very different for me and my brother. Cooper loves Remembrance. He thinks it's a great way to recognise our fallen heroes and he likes being given that time to just focus and reflect. For me, it’s very different. I like to think of my dad every day, so I don't need to be told to think about him at a certain time. I’d do that anyway. I can still see why Cooper likes it though, and it makes me happy to know lots more people than just us are thinking about and honouring my dad.
One of mine and Cooper’s favourite things to do around Remembrance is look at pictures and watch videos of him. Sometimes, we’re even able to remember things we didn’t realise we remembered. We have a little spot we always go to each Remembrance weekend and just take a moment together to talk about him. Having that time to grieve together, as well as on our own, is something that really helps me.
Austen, Cooper and their dad on holiday
Marching at Remembrance with Scotty’s Little Soldiers
Even though Remembrance isn’t one of my favourite days, being with Scotty’s is always great and I love everyone there. Whatever we do – whether it’s something serious or something fun – it's just amazing to be surrounded by people you know love you and understand you. I think being able to remember all our parents together is something that means a lot.
Austen, Cooper and their dad
What does the two-minute silence mean to a bereaved military child?
The two-minute silence is always very emotional. I usually cry. It's a moment to really think about everything, think about everyone who has put their life on the line for us and think about everyone we’ve lost.
Most people realise how important Remembrance is, but I don’t think everyone gets how many people it still directly effects. A lot of people might not think about someone like my dad, who died by suicide, or it wouldn’t occur to them how personal Remembrance can still be for young people like me. Remembrance isn’t just about remembering the past, it’s about remembering all the people who are dying now, too.
SSgt Christopher Hargreaves on duty
Supporting bereaved military children
Scotty’s Little Soldiers is a military charity dedicated to supporting children and young people (0 to 25 years) who have experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces.
Inspired by the experience of Army widow Nikki Scott, following the death of her husband Corporal Lee Scott in Afghanistan in 2009, the charity, which was set up in 2010, provides support and guidance to hundreds of bereaved military children and young people throughout their childhood.
Scotty’s currently supports over 650 members and services offered include access to child bereavement support, guidance to parents and carers, personal education and learning assistance (including grants), and fun activities such as holiday respite breaks and group events. These are all designed to remind the children and young people supported by Scotty’s that they are not alone.
If you know a child or young person who has experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces, they could be eligible for specialist bereavement support from Scotty's Little Soldiers. Hundreds of bereaved military children aren’t getting the support they need but we are here to help.
If you know a bereaved military child who could benefit from Scotty’s Little Soldiers support, visit our Get Support page for more information.
Austen and Cooper
