"Even though I've lost someone, I can still be happy."
Elizabeth and Isabelle were just babies when their dad, Leading Naval Nurse Thomas Bovington, died very suddenly of a genetic heart condition. Elizabeth, aged two, was left with precious few memories of him. Isabelle, just 11 months old, was too young to remember anything and relies on stories other people have told her. The sisters joined Scotty’s Little Soldiers in 2017.
“Scotty’s means a lot to me,” says Elizabeth, now eight years old. “It shows lots of kids that even though you’ve lost someone you can still think about them and still be happy.”
Elizabeth (right) and Isabelle (left)
Smiling again
Elizabeth and Isabelle have benefitted from a number of Scotty’s services including respite breaks, grants and attending our annual Christmas party, where they have the opportunity to meet other bereaved military children and young people who understand what they’ve been through.
“We make new friends every time,” says Elizabeth.
Isabelle adds: “My favourite Scotty event was the Christmas party when we went on a treasure hunt that took us on a boat, and also when we got to make snowmen marshmallows with Scotty’s during lockdown.”
Baby Isabelle with her dad
Part of a community
“The parties are a great opportunity for the children to just enjoy themselves,” says Vicky. “Christmas can create mixed emotions for lots of children, but it’s a chance for them to have fun and not feel guilty. If they need a moment to themselves, they can have it and everyone understands. I think it’s really wonderful to be with so many people who have been through the same thing and felt the same emotions, all in different stages of their grief. Scotty’s is a lovely way to bond with people who all understand each other. It’s a safe place. They offer some great opportunities for the girls and always reach out at Christmas and birthdays and anniversaries. They make us still feel part of the military community. When Tom died, we felt a bit bereft and lost from that.”
Elizabeth and Isabelle waving Scotty's flag
Mixed emotions
This year, Elizabeth and her mum, Vicky, travelled to London to attend the National Service of Remembrance and BBC One's Festival of Remembrance. Elizabeth was one of 55 bereaved military children and young people supported by Scotty's who joined us for Remembrance.
Like many bereaved military families, Remembrance is a time of mixed emotions for Elizabeth and her mum, but despite the pain it can bring, they always enjoy the chance to think about Tom and pay their respects.
“Tom and I both had family in the military” says Vicky. “Part of the reason he joined was to honour them, so it was already an important day for us. After Tom died, I felt a bit guilty on Remembrance as he didn’t die while on duty, but as time has gone on, I’ve learnt it’s about remembering everyone who has served. The Last Post gets me every time and brings back lots of memories of Tom’s funeral, but it’s also a lovely time to come together and remember him and everyone else who served in our Armed Forces.”
Elizabeth says: “I like to think about the people we loved. It makes me feel a bit sad, but also happy because we’re actually remembering them.”
Elizabeth camping with her dad
Remembering their hero
Every year, Vicky, Elizabeth and Isabelle like to attend a local Remembrance service and pay their respects at a war memorial in their village, and the girls enjoy taking part in Remembrance events at their school.
Elizabeth says: “We always buy a poppy and read poems in assembly and draw something in Art. I actually find doing Remembrance in school quite enjoyable because it makes me think of my daddy.”
Some of the children Elizabeth and Isabelle go to school with think Remembrance is only about World War I and World War II, but they always try to let people know that’s not true.
“It’s what you’re taught at school,” say Vicky. “It’s Flanders Field and poppies and old poems. But, having been a military family and having lived on the patch surrounded by other military families, Remembrance feels much more relevant and a lot closer to home than that. Every member of Scotty’s has experienced the death of a parent who served, and most of those have all been within the last fifteen years. People are still dying today.”
Elizabeth and Isabelle on a Scotty break at Center Parcs
Saying thank you
Despite the painful memories it can bring, Remembrance is something Vicky, Elizabeth and Isabelle all look forward to.
“It’s a chance to say thank you,” Vicky explains. “It’s the one time of year everyone comes together to honour those that have died, and because of that Remembrance makes me feel much more happy than sad. It can be tough at times, obviously, and we can feel a bit up and down throughout the day, but on the whole it’s definitely a positive thing for us.”
Like every family Scotty supports, Elizabeth and Vicky wore their black and yellow Scotty’s scarf during the service. We wear black and yellow scarves during Remembrance to honour the parents of our members and show we’re all united.
Elizabeth holding her Scotty's birthday gifts
Supporting bereaved military children
Scotty's Little Soldiers is a charity dedicated to supporting children and young people (0 to 25 years) who have experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces.
Inspired by the experience of Army widow Nikki Scott, following the death of her husband Corporal Lee Scott in Afghanistan in 2009, the charity, which was set up in 2010, provides support and guidance to hundreds of bereaved military children and young people throughout their childhood.
Services offered to Scotty’s members include access to child bereavement support, guidance to parents and carers, personal education and learning assistance (including grants), and fun activities such as holiday respite breaks and group events. These are all designed to remind the children and young people supported by Scotty’s that they are not alone.
If you know a child or young person who has experienced the death of a parent who served in the British Armed Forces, they could be eligible for specialist bereavement support from Scotty's Little Soldiers. Hundreds of bereaved military children aren’t getting the support they need but we are here to help.
